Listening to: Two Door Cinema Club, "What You Know"
So...regretting everything I've ever said last night...typical now. Totally unsure about how to fix this...he's distant and upset...hurt, as he should be. I was vicious...but I wonder...isn't there a point of forgiveness? Where one just figures it's time to let it go and move on?
Sure, the morning after is a bit soon...but I miss him. Our conversation, stilted and awkward. I don't know if I should apologize again...what would that do? Next time we fought the apologies would mean less, if I keep doing the same things...
That must be the answer. To change...to alter my behavior, my attitude, my whole being. Enacting this change will essentially fix the things that I continue to do. Right? I've tried to change before, never with lasting results. A few weeks, tops. Well what will be different now?
Maybe before I wasn't really in it for it to last, having little faith in this thing, figuring it wouldn't last so why exert the energy? Yes, it sounds coldhearted and cynical. But that's me. Now? I'm in it for good...this is what I want. Without a doubt. Forever. So I can change...I have to for this to work.
Love is a painful thing, but it will be worth it in the end, right?
So why does my heart feel cold..........?
