Remembering Senior Year

Listening to: Silversun Pickups, "Catch and Release"

About seven months ago, I had a dream about a friend of mine.  I had liked this friend of mine for a while, as something "more than a friend" and it wasn't so odd that they popped up into my wandering nighttime thoughts.  What was odd was the whole situation. It didn't take place in the present (or, rather, the present when I was dreaming), but about two years from then, in December of 2011.

When I woke up, and actually remembered what I dreamed (which I ususally don't), I wrote it down so I might examine it more closely and maybe figure out what it meant.  I took it as a misguided sign that that friend and I were "meant to be." A prediction of the future. I was sorely mistaken.  Ha ha. =]

I kinda regret now, not telling that friend how I felt about them, but in hindsight I can see that if I did, it would have been a little untimely. I can't say how hard it is sometimes to get over someone, but I know that it's better that I did. Reading through the little journal entries I wrote at the time made me realize that we just wouldn't have been right for each other, we're better off as friends.  Time and reflections heal all wounds (well, most of them). =}


This last year in high school forced me to see a lot of things. About my friends (I use that term loosely), about my family, and about me! =}

Some of the people I considered friends were kind of, space-fillers. No offense intended. But they were just basically people who I hung around with because I had hung around with them since middle school, and it was comfortable. As the years went by, I got to know them more and grew apart from them.  It hit me that I couldn't confide in them all my inner thoughts, like you could with a true, real friend.  I couldn't be myself with them, the person I had become, so I stuck with the person they knew. Does that make sense?  I started to withdraw and in my second semester of senior year I took fewer classes and spent even less time with some of them.  I do feel a bit sorry about that because that was the time I should have been trying to absorb all the good memories I could.  But in a way now, I know who I could trust and be myself with. They are the ones who stuck by me even as I kinda blew them off.  They are the people I talk to on a regular basis.  They are the ones who I would want to let read my journal, darker poems, stories, and this blog. And I'm glad I have them still =}

My family. Ah, what could I say about them? That my mother and I get along both better than before and worse?  That I feel a certain kinship with my dad that I never realized before?  That I miss being able to mess around and tease my sister and being able to talk to her more than I can say?  All this is true, but it just doesn't cover all of it.  My sister is out on her own, with my little 4 month old niece with her and a man as well. We were never super close, able to talk about anything and everything, but now that everything is changing in my life, I really wish that we were and that she was here to help me through all this stuff.
I hate that my mom and I fight so much, but because of those fights we got to know each others iffy spots and how to skirt around them to avoid more fights, and so we've become closer. She and my dad have helped me so much in life, especially this year and I can never thank them enough for all they've done.

Me. Well, all I've figured out about the people previously mentioned has some how made me figure out things about myself as well.  I know that I have horrible study habits; I procrastinate so much it's self-sabotaging. I know that even though I think I have everything figured out about my future, and I think it's set in stone, everything can change on a whim or deeper thought about my cemented path.  I won't get into everything I figured about me, because one, a lot casts me in a bad light, ha ha =]. And two, I would be at this computer all night.

All in all, in spite of all my complaining and griping about how horrible senior year was and how I hated my school, I did learn something there. Wow...that's amazing. Ha ha =}

Well, more later. (Oh happy Full Moon)
Rawr...=}

The Strange and The Misty...

Listening to: Skillet, "Comatose"

So I look outside tonight, and up in the sky is...the moon!! It looks pretty tonight, even though it looks blurry and misty, because of the little clouds. But I love the moon, and on Sunday, at 7:37 pm in Colorado there will be the Full Moon! How fun.

I have a fascination with the moon, but only because I like the fact that it has the gravitational power to control our bodies of water. So it makes me wonder, since the majority of human bodies are water, does that mean it has some kind of influence on us too? Is the water in us pushed and pulled, full of waves and tides, controlled by the pretty moon circling the Earth?  When I think of things like this, it only serves to get me started on the astrology and horoscope stuff.  If the moon (maybe) could influence us, can the stars, planets, and all that other astrological stuff do the same?

I don't put much faith in my horoscope, even though I read mine everyday. Blame curiosity, I guess.  It is strange, though, how precise and fitting the description of a Virgo matches my own personality.  I think I first read a Virgo personality description some time in middle school, when my tendencies and habits were already set in stone, so to speak. It shocked me how the adjectives in that summary echoed some of the adjectives used to describe me by family and friends. I don't think I tried to deliberately fit those descripitions in a self-fulfilling prophesy, because like I mentioned, my personality was pretty much already formed. But it was eerie.

So, does my personal experience mean that indeed horoscopes and astrology are valid and influental?
Phssh, who knows?? =}

Anyway, more later.
Rawr...=}

First Post...Cupcakes and brain teasers. =}

First post of my new blog!
Listening to: The Pink Spiders, "Gimme Chemicals"

My name is Michelle, I'm a writer. I read a lot, and write stories and poems. It sounds common, but I write to get my emotions in a form that makes sense, so that I can make sense of them. I love music, which also sounds annoyingly common, and I pretty much have at least one of my headphones on, no matter what I'm doing, except driving. =} So I can't hear you if you're talking to me right now...sorry! Ha ha.

This past May, I graduated from high school (finally!) and soon I'll be heading off to college! What better way to keep track of my life than writing about it? Anyway, it's pretty intimidating and exciting to know that one very important and influencing chapter of my life is written and over with. Another one is being written now. This summer, a lot has been happening (even though at the moment, each day seems unbearably dull).


Today started pretty much like any other, and still nothing exceptional has happened, but I guess the little moments count. I have a craving to bake some cupcakes, even though I have no craving to eat them.  I just like to make them and decorate the little beauties. =} Maybe becoming a pastry chef is a good idea for me, if it wasn't for my heart being set on writing. I love weaving ideas and pictures with words.  It's an art form to me.  Does that make me an artist? Hmm.

Maybe I can do both! I have an insane plan to open up a cupcake shop and write on the side. That way I won't be without money if I don't get published. Aww, how sad that would be.


Just a little bit ago, I was looking at some brain teasers and puzzles. One of them was a memory game to test your attention span, I think. You had to click the little boxes in numerical order after they quickly flashed the numbers behind them. A chimpanzee had done this test and got 8 sets right. I got 4 correct...I was not smarter than the chimp...that swiftly killed my confidence. You can try the game here.

Okay, I think that was a pretty good debut blog...more later.
Rawr.